The Keys to Getting the Keys

Nothing is ever as easy as it seems. In fact, even when you know it's going to be hard, it's still even harder than you imagined. This is especially true when obtaining a mortgage.

Several months ago we decided to sell our house and buy a new one. Each step seemed to have its frustrations and successes. But as we neared the closing date, our excitement -- and impatience -- increased.

Of course, part of the impatience was due to the fact that we've been living in a retirement community and spending a lot more time driving and a lot less time with each other. So when our mortgage broker said we might get to close early (last Friday), we jumped for joy!

However, we should have really paid attention to the word might.

By Thursday we were told we'd be lucky to sign docs on Monday and maybe, best case, close on Wednesday. What?!?

But we did have a stroke of luck. Monday afternoon we signed our paperwork, handed over our cashier's check for the closing costs and down payment, and excitedly called the utility companies and moving truck rental. We quickly made our plans to move.

Do plans ever actually work? Really? Because I'd like to know someone who actually had a plan, any plan, work out for them.

Wednesday came and we anxiously awaited the keys. Instead, we got an email that morning asking for us to sign another form for the mortgage company ASAP. Um, OK. So my husband left work and met me to put his scrawl on the paper and I sent it in. 

A couple hours later we were told there was a mix up and we needed to get another cashier's check to them pronto. So my husband left work again to run to the bank and the title company. 

What was going on? We couldn't figure out if we just had some truly power-mad underwriter or a novice who didn't know the job. We had spent two months handing in information again and again. Twice we had supplied bank records and pay stubs. At one point I think we even had to fill out some sort of form asking us to list our hobbies, favorite recipes, and a history of our family tree.

I literally called the mortgage broker and asked him "are you certain this mortgage company isn't just some guy in a store front sitting on a folding chair and using a cardboard box for a desk?" Yes, those words exactly. He assured me that it's a company that has been around for a long time and that they were definitely making some unusual requests. (Google confirmed his story.) He had already been arguing with the underwriter about the demands and was trying to get to the bottom of it. I asked him to call me back at the end of the day and let me know what the status was.

But at the end of the day, he called to tell me that he had a feeling the underwriter was going to ask for an updated bank statement. So in the interest of not holding anything up, could I be proactive and go ahead and send it?

Oh, I sent it. And my email said (vital info being XX'd out):

Attached is one more checking statement for the mortgage company. And in case 
they do not have enough information, please let them know that [Big Dude] is 5' 8" and 
weighs about XXX. I'm 5' 8" and weigh about XXX. Our son is 5 years old, weighs 
55 lbs and is 46" inches tall. And our dog is under a foot tall and weighs only 
27 pounds. We can provide blood and urine samples upon request too. 

Our broker thought it was the funniest thing he'd seen all day.

By the time I got home, my husband was hanging up with our broker and informed me that the reason the mortgage company was acting all shifty and crazy was because they already planned to sell our loan and wanted to go ahead and get everything they possibly can to make the sale happen. They make plans... why can't we?!?

So this morning, my frustrated hubby and I waited. They had our signatures, our money, half a year's worth of bank statements and pay stubs, our credit history, every piece of vital information they could possibly want. It's the financial equivalent of strolling nude through a shopping mall.

But we had no keys.

Grrr!

Then, lo and behold, this afternoon a ray of light broke the gloomy skies above and... we were told the funding came through. Yee-haw! We would finally get our keys!!!

As the wise Hannibal Smith of the A-Team always said, "I love it when a plan comes together!"